Dear Jasmine

Jass

 

First of all, I normally blog on Sundays. Secondly, I love your name. Lastly, you have inspired me in two ways. I am stepping out of my OCD box for you by changing my routine- it’s a bit scary and because of your genuine questions, I am about to go to a place I’ve never been. My fat past! This past week I had a reality check that I will NEVER forget. My body was the issue. The fears of the fat, scars and loose skin became a reality. Although I am presently at 127 lbs and  19%body fat and own a very muscular physique, I still feel fat. I wear a Size 2,4,6 and still feel obese. I am a Certified Spinner, Personal Trainer, Athlete. I receive daily accolades on my body and still can’t forgive the imperfections. I am my harshest critic.

I’m going to do my best to be honest and informative. I have been a blogger for about a year and a half and you can read traces and hints on body issues throughout. Truth is, until this blog I have NEVER publically admitted my pain regarding my body. I am grateful that you asked me these questions tho! I feel freedom in this process- fear too.

My journey into fitness began about 2010. My extreme weight loss took place in 2004. This was the year I found out my marriage was a fraud. For approximately six years, I was skinny fat. My face looked gaunt, I was weak and smoked almost two packs of Marlboro daily. However, no one complained because I was skinny. Skinny is acceptable. Inside however, I felt very ugly. In the year 2010, I decided to join a gym. It was “the spinning house”  M Cycle in South Miami. I went daily. I began to spin twice a day. I didn’t realize this would just make me thinner. I was an uneducated Cardio Queen. However, I was empowered. All of the family in M Cycle made my mind and soul strong. I began to run races, train, and believe in myself again. Jasmine, through the sweat life I found dignity, courage and value.

I became a Super Spartan, a Tarzan. I became Magda again. I missed her. She was a ball buster. My personal life broke me in half. I didn’t even notice. It was too late when I did.

I ran with a group of M Cyclers one afternoon and struggled so hard- I had to cry. I almost fainted. I remember the people and the smells and every minute so vividly. It was the first time I actually considered quitting smoking. Smoking was my best friend. It was trustworthy. 

I acquired my second membership at Body and Soul in Coral Gables and became a two time Super Spartan. I really didn’t try in this race because I had nothing to prove the second time around. I was already an athlete. At this juncture, I did quit smoking. It was all over after that! Kerry Gaynor is the man that made this possible. He cured my addiction by teaching me I had the power the entire 20 years! Like I wrote earlier, I lost myself, my power. After quitting smoking, I learned that there is nothing I can’t do. I ended my marriage. I continued to train, sweat and work. I still hadn’t dealt with the food part tho.

My eating habits sucked. There is no delicate way to say it. I ate whatever I wanted. There is no amount of exercise that can cure bad nutrition. One fine day at my gym, a DOCTOR walked into my life. I had seen him a couple of times before but this day, we spoke. All nutrition issues ended that moment. I was a Red Bull junkie, he replaced that with protein shakes. I only eat fish, fruits, vegetables and egg whites now. I have cheat days on weekends or after a big accomplishment. I stopped coffee, liquor and breads. Fries was something I had to shoot dead with a gun. The DOCTOR began to train me at Newton’s Method, also in South Miami. I train here every day. The training in this gym is like no other. You can read this throughout my blog. Darren, my boyfriend, my DOCTOR, my nutritionist is a proof that change is absolutely possible. He is honest, devoted and disciplined. I have been able to conquer the habits because of him. I am now a marathon runner, have a six pack, hear words like ripped, shredded, thick and swole every day. I love it.

Jasmine, I cannot lie to you. I look in the mirror and still see fat. These issues I am dealing with daily. The scars are deep.

My regimen goes like this: I work out every day. I do Yoga, Pilates, Strength Training, Spinning, Running, Weights.

I love to Kettle Bell. I hate Ropes. I am an ugly Runner. I am an impressive and surprising Yogi. I love to use my body as weight. I love to Grapple. I hate to box.

My life is best when I sweat. I am complete. I can now Coach others on finding their complete too! I hope my answers help you and anyone that reads this.

Thank you Jasmine for helping me unleash the beast- my fat past! I can now let go! Maybe I can do a comparison pic for Transformation Tuesday now. Before today, I never had the courage.

On a happy note girlfriend, Robert Downey Jr is now the highest paid actor in Hollywood. He deserves it. His life was scarred and he came back strong. I plan on doing the same thing!

 

and if you don’t know, I just took my clothes off,

 

magda

Share it