the cure

i scoffed when she asked me to be a bikini model. i was like, who dis? me? i am forty five years old, 5’2 and covered in imperfections and you want me on social media in a bathing suit for money? i analyzed the contract over and over again and made sure i was winning. i am indeed winning. i’m not winning only in the common ways but in the most important way possible. i am being recognized by the people that love me for my hard work, my passion and my achievements.

this means so much to me because  i suffered great insecurities about my body. i would ache to remove my clothes. i would stay away from wearing bathing suits. i was embarrassed. i developed a body issue for the first time in my life. i knew at the time that it was happening that those scars would remain with me for life. i never gave them the depth that they deserved tho. the cuts were deep. i am way over that now. it took a village and time. time heals all wounds. the attacks become harmless. the scars heal and the pain is forgiven.

i worked day and night with positive people. i surrounded myself with real health and wellness professionals. my goal was never to pull. i feel that if your goal is to pull, coerce, manipulate or harm- karma gonna kill you.

my trainer and his wife and mother adopted me. he is a sergeant for the us army, a non drug user, a non alcoholic and the best part is- he loves only one woman. he is a true hero. they made me strong, allowed me to grow into loving my scars and made a huge difference in my way of thinking- my self image.

in the process of accepting the offer made by my most recent sponsor i have to admit, i felt like a thoroughbred. the way they look at me and my pictures is so encouraging. i correct them every time  they call me a model or a fit model. i suppose technically, i am that for this engagement. however, i am much more than that for them and for me.

there is no question that this engagement has made an effect on my coaching, my parenting and my self worth.  a lot of #diy went into this healing.

this summer is planned and i am so excited! i am going to go to all of the very public beaches and proudly shake what my mama gave me, with the extra skin, scars, dents, marks. all about that life-self love. summah, i’m coming for you!


and if you don’t know, i am the cure,