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Mum’s the Word

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I spent the weekend with my son. He was such a joy to be with. I love to watch him be. I am so proud of him and myself. I have done many great things in my life. I am most proud of my parenting. It’s taken so much yoga. There is nothing more humbling than to look at his face and feel his sadness, his fear or his pain. I remember the few times he was sick, I was broken. I tried to carpet the world for him and realized quickly that was not available. I had to adapt quickly and learn to arm him with the tools necessary to get up when he fell. He was easy to learn. He was malleable. He is a team player. And my son is so damn funny.

We played like children all weekend. Throughout the weekend he acted his age (which I love) and acted like my protector (which I need).

I have a limited amount of time with my boy before he goes onto make his own journey. I am dedicated to suck the life out of our time together. I see so much of me in him. He is very different than both his parents too. It’s fascinating.

I forgot about the traditions of Mother’s Day and did whatever made us happy and it turned out to be the best Mother’s Day of my life. I have had seventeen of them and before that my ex-husband would honor me as a step parent.

There are many women around me pregnant or giving birth presently. It is beautiful. I listen to them intently and smile quietly. I remember me in their shoes. Dreaming, planning, and fearing the human life coming soon.

I am very lucky and privileged to be a mother. I thank God every day. My labor pains came on a rainy night while I was watching a movie (shocker). I am always watching a movie.

 

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Hiding is for the birds

FullSizeR

I remember writing my last blog with so much relief. I was so scared to write. I was writing in code almost. I didn’t want to share my feelings. I was scared. It had been about six months of pain in that last blog. I had been suffering from my broken relationship. I felt his new lovers were reading me and my pain. I felt his new friends were dissecting my feelings. I asked myself how I could let this bother me over and over again. I was suffering is the truth. I was devastated. He was leading foreigners, perfect strangers to me and my broken heart. How does someone so strong, so fearless, end up afraid of judgement? I felt like I was in a cell. A prisoner of my own feelings.

It’s been about six months of a podcast less and blogless Magda. I feel strong again. I am aware of the lovers, the friends, the critics and frankly I am carefree now. It took me a minute to gain equilibrium.

My life has spiraled from one success to another in every aspect this past year. I have learned to love my self like never before. I am working more than ever as a national life coach. I have to pinch myself sometimes to believe it. I have acquired many new fitness certifications and am in optimum health. My son is healthy, humble and happy and about eleven months away from leaving my nest. My life is paradise.

My personal life has been beautiful. The people around me LOVE me. I don’t have a gang of people around me, I only have the ones that love me. My circle is tight and made of gold. My next wedding ring will be like that. I am a big fan of simplicity.

The last wedding I went to was in Puerto Rico. The bride looked at the groom and in the vows said the following, I forsake everything and everyone for you. It hit me like a lightning bolt.

I’m not sure how often I will be blogging but I promise to never fear sharing myself honestly again. Fear is a liar. I will be on podcast soon too. She’s back and stronger than ever before. Please message me on topics you want me to elaborate on too. Hiding is for the birds.